The Gratitude Lens: Why Perspective Is Everything

Ten minutes.

That's how close I came to spending a night in a Brazilian jail, followed by immediate deportation the next morning... along with my wife and newborn son.

We were living in São Paulo at the time, and I'd been pulled over at a routine traffic stop late one night. The policeman was about to hand my documents back when he noticed something.

My papers had expired at midnight. 

It was now 12:10 AM.

I'd actually been to the Federal Police and Immigration office earlier that day and received a temporary document to cover me until my permanent papers arrived.

But I'd forgotten it at home.

Yeh. Not good.

A beam of light hit my face and his voice went cold. What followed was a 45-minute negotiation that felt like three hours. A night in jail. Deportation for all three of us the next morning. I glanced at the rearview mirror — my wife sat frozen in the back seat, clutching our infant son, not saying a word. And I was trying to talk my way out of a situation that was entirely my fault. 

I was truly scared.

His threats were firm and real but I sensed an opening. A wink here and a wink there and I ended up writing that policeman a check (I didn't have enough cash on me) for the equivalent of about $100 U.S. and he let me go.

It was probably a half-month's wages for him.

On the drive home, I was flooded with a level of relief and gratitude I'll never forget. Everything looked different. The streetlights. The road. The fact that I was free and driving toward my home instead in police car to a jail cell.

That gratitude lasted for weeks.

And even after the intensity faded, the gratitude needle never fully dropped back to where it was before. Something had permanently changed, even if just a bit. I was happier and more grateful in general. 

It's Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., and I want to share what that experience taught me, and how you can create the same change without facing a catastrophe.

Here's what I have for you in this issue: 

🛠️ The Gratitude Lens: Why we don't lack things to be grateful for... we lack the perspective to see them 

🤖 The "Gratitude Audit" Prompt: Identify what you've stopped appreciating in your business and life before it's gone 

The Thief You Don't Notice

We all have a cognitive bias called "hedonic adaptation". It's our brain's tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness regardless of what happens to us, good or bad.

Win the lottery? You'll be thrilled... for a while. Then it becomes normal (I'd love to take on the challenge, though, wouldn't you?)

Land your dream client? Exciting... until they're just "a client."

Build a business with complete freedom over your schedule? You're elated... until it's just Tuesday.

Hedonic adaptation is why we stop noticing the things that once amazed us. It's not that we're ungrateful people. It's that our brains are wired to normalize our circumstances.

I wrote about this and 137 other cognitive biases that affect consultants here. Understanding these biases is half the battle.

Gobsmacked in a Grocery Store

After years overseas, much of it in underdeveloped countries, I'd grown accustomed to things that would've shocked me when living in the U.S.

Suffocatingly crowded cities. Grocery stores that weren't exactly clean. Meat cases with flies in them. It all became... normal. 

But after seven years, this country boy finally came home.

I remember walking into a grocery store here in Indiana and being amazed at what I saw. Compared to what I was used to, the floors were so clean it seemed you could eat off them. The produce section was pristine, filled with perfect fruits in a rainbow of colors. The deli case looked like something from a magazine, filled with every cut of meat and everything fresh and healthy-looking.

I was gobsmacked.

Not because American grocery stores had changed. They hadn't.

I had.

The sad part is that most Americans walk through those same stores every week and don't see the remarkable miracle of a modern food supply chain. They've adapted.

Hedonic Adaptation is a nationwide epidemic here.

What You've Stopped Seeing

Chances are, this is happening in your business right now, too.

The client who's been loyal for years... until they leave and you suddenly realize what you had.

The referrals that "just happen"... until they stop and you wonder what changed.

The freedom to set your own schedule, choose your clients, work from anywhere... the very things that made you start your business in the first place.

The hard-won expertise that took you 20+ years to develop... now it's "just what you know."

And it happens in our personal lives too.

Just for a moment contemplate the gift of having eyes that see and lungs with which you can take a deep breath. Ears that allow you to hear the laughing of a baby and the chirping of a beautiful bird.

Hedonic adaptation is stealing your appreciation in real time. And the cost of this numbed gratitude is missed opportunities and magic moments.

The Kairos Connection

Last week I wrote about Kronos vs. Kairos, the two Greek concepts of time. Kronos is clock time. Kairos is the opportune moment, the magic moment that arrives unannounced.

I've realized that gratitude is the lens that helps us see Kairos.

When we're ungrateful, we're blind. We're so busy chasing what we don't have that we miss what's right in front of us.

The client who's ready to expand. The relationship that could transform our business. The grandson looking at us with wonder while we glance at our phone.

Gratitude opens our eyes. It slows us down enough to notice.

The Perspective Reset

Most of us only consider whether we have a true "attitude of gratitude" after a tragedy or close call. A health scare. A business near-failure. Job loss. A $100 check written to avoid deportation.

But what if we could create that shift in perspective at any time, intentionally?

Here are a few practices that can help:

💡  Contrast Therapy:

• Spend time with people who don't have what you have.
• Mentor someone just starting out.
• Visit a country where your "problems" would be luxuries.
• Read about how business was done before the internet, before AI, before you could reach anyone in the world from your phone.

👁  The Founder's Eye:

Walk through your business as if you were seeing it for the first time.

• What would the version of you from 10 years ago think?
• What would they be amazed by?

🙏  The Mortality Filter: Not morbid, just honest. If this were your last Thanksgiving, what would you wish you'd appreciated more?

The Gratitude Paradox

The counterintuitive truth here is that grateful consultants attract more than desperate ones.

Desperation repels like bug spray. You can smell it in sales conversations. Prospects feel the neediness and subconsciously pull away.

But gratitude communicates abundance. It says "I don't need this deal because I already have enough." And paradoxically, that posture is like catnip for great clients.

And, the consultant who genuinely appreciates their current clients treats them better... and those clients refer more.

The consultant who's grateful for their expertise shares it more generously... and that generosity builds authority.

The consultant who appreciates their freedom protects it fiercely, like a mama bear protecting her cubs... and that boundary-setting commands respect.

Gratitude isn't just good for your soul. It's good for your business.

Want to dive deeper? Check out these related articles:

👉  Kronos vs. Kairos
👉  The Free-Range vs. Factory Farm Choice

You might also find these interesting:

🔎  The 10X Brainpower Lever: How Top Consultants Multiply Output Without Working More
🔎  The Human Edge: Why AI's Trust Problem Is Your Biggest Opportunity

P.S.: When you're ready, here are more ways I can help you...